The Craigslist car ad

Part of my new truck ad:

First off, I need to sell this truck I've been saving. I don't want to sell it, but I realize I have to.

I'm not happy about it.

Try not to piss me off.

Now that you know I'm an asshole, here are some ground rules:

Don't text me 20 fucking questions already answered in the ad.

Learn to read, you illiterate motherfucker.

Am I supposed to believe you suddenly learned to read Engrish in the last 15 fucking seconds?

Do not text me with offers of $2000 when I'm asking $3400 for a truck...The nose and engine are worth more than I'm asking.

I believe low-ballers are the scum of the earth.

If you do not speak English, please get some one to help me understand the squeaks, clucks, and clicks you seem to think is a language.

To all the dopes that want me to give you a break because "it's a long haul for me"

I don't give a shit how far you have to travel. 

If my truck was not a already a good deal or at least hard to find, why the fuck are you calling me from 3 states away?

The price is the same whether you are from Ct, Delaware, or Uranus...

However, if you are from Uranus, I will give you a break if you meet my Ex so you can take a fellow citizen back home...Hell, I might even give you the truck.