The minotaur above...

First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. 

Society judges

Oh Lordy, do they ever. 

With that said, let's get down to business. 

When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. 

Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? 

It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors above me. 

At the time I thought, 'No big deal, it can't always be like this'

Oh Lordy, was I wrong. 

It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around.

After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are, in fact, a Minotaur. 

It only makes sense:

Minotaurs have hooves, and that's sure as hell what it sounds like is hitting the floor when you gallop around. 

A Minotaur possesses great strength, the kind of strength that can be felt by a guy laying on his couch, trying to get into a good book. 

The kind of strength that shakes the dishes in his cupboards. 

I dont even need to set an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. 

Instead I wake up to THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP. 

I'm not a light sleeper by any means; I sleep right through the viscously loud police, fire truck, and ambulance sirens every night. 

I was lying on the couch one morning.

I counted the trips you took between your bedroom and your bathroom. 

You made 17 trips.

17!!!

17 fucking trips between the bedroom and the bathroom.

Are you kidding me? 

What could you possibly be doing? 

Minotaurs are half bull. 

Bulls are aggressive when taunted. 

I never wear red. 

After a few more weeks of you recklessly stomping around, I made another attempt at a civil confrontation. It failed. It failed because you clomped your way to the door, and you didn't open it.

I know this because I heard your hooves clippity-clop their way to the door.

To my surprise, the stomping ceased Christmas day, and I awoke to peace. Amazing, I thought, It was a goddamned Christmas miracle! 

A few days passed and I ran into you outside. 

I mentioned it has been a little quieter and you told me you received some slippers to wear around the house.

Genious!

Fast forward 20 days. 

The stomping has returned. 

There is No doubt in my mind the hooves have worn through the fabric of the slippers and are now, once again, banging against your hardwood floors. 

Please, for the love of sweet baby jesus, run down to the local Target and purchase yourself another pair of hoof mufflers. 

I know you can run with those strong legs of yours...

Probably real fast like

Target is less than 2 miles away. 

Go Minotaur, go!