New Apple products!

Are you tired of old-fashioned religious doctrines banning all the stuff you like to do, such as stealing office supplies and jerking off to the image of your neighbor's hot teenage daughter?
Relax!
Now you can buy the iGod!
You own PERSONAL God will give you unconditional love no matter how big a fucking loser you are.

Cheated on your taxes?
Lied to your kids?
Strangled a stripper?
Fucked a farm animal?
It's okay!
iGod will forgive you!
Just whisper a heart-felt apology into its microphone.
It will promise you eternal life in Heaven and freedom from justice here on earth.

Feel guilty about that abortion you had, or pushing that person in front of the train?
Relax!
It's all good.
You are forgiven.
You are loved no matter how big a sack of shit you are.

iGod is nondenominational and nonjudgmental.

No need to pray, attend a house of worship, or read a stuffy old religious text full of outdated rules and big words.
It's you, you, you, all the time!

So head to your local Apple Store.
Act now and we'll also throw in the iMRight rationalizer: it will justify your behavior; whether it's cutting off a school bus in traffic, or slipping the sausage to your sister-in-law.
iMRight makes everything alright
No regrets No responsibility
All the fucking time.
IGod bless iAmerica.