Today's rant was brought to you by a dupatta-wearing Pakistani bitch that came to pick up a car her husband bought and called me 'stupid' & a 'racist' because I was taking advantage of her 'stupid' husband by selling him a car that needed $500 worth of work for $2000 under it's book value And by the other dope who bought a lifted antique Wrangler project for his daughter's first car.
Here we go.....
Here we go.....
.
I don't care what color you are.
I don't care where you're from.
I don't care what you do for a living.
I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke, what you drink, who you know, or whom you've fucked.
If you are an asshole, I'm going to tell you are.
And I fucking hate all of you.
Every. Last. Fucking. One. Of. You.
Fuck you Craigslist car buyers. I'm selling a car $2000 Below Kelly Blue Book value! Isn't it fair to assume it's not fucking going to look like it rolled off the fucking showroom floor?
Fuck you people who call at 11:30 PM offering me fucking less than 1/2 of my advertised price.
Fuck you dumb-fucks that text 20 questions already answered in my ad...
Read the ad.
Am I supposed to believe you learned to read in the 30 fucking seconds it took you to text me?
Fuck you guy that buys a lifted modified 25 year old unfinished 'project' Jeep for less than the lift cost and wants to hand the keys to his 17 year old daughter for her first car. Then expects me to give him his money back when his wife gets mad...Grow some balls; tell either your daughter and your wife 'no' for once.
Now for the rest of you assholes in the world:
Fuck you, semi-truck drivers, for running the yellow light so that I have to wait through my green just to have the dubious fucking pleasure of sniffing your tailpipe while I'm stuck behind your slow ass.
Fuck you, bicyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because you're peddling, you miserable spandex-covered neon-reflective fucks.
Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. Your fat ass doesn't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.
Fuck you chick on your cellphone that came out of nowhere to blew through the yield sign nearly wiping out my Jeep and my 4 year daughter...That red triangle means I have the right of way.
Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee.
Fuck you douche bag doing ten under the limit in the passing lane on the highway.
Fuck you, little punk ass prick, and fuck your loud ass stereo at the light in front of my house
And Fuck you for turning it up louder when I point to my girls and ask you (nicely) to turn it down because "fuck bitches, get money" isn't the message I want to send them...Didn't you see the hammer in my hand?
You're lucky I'm still on probation
Fuck you dirtbag counting out exact change at the counter at the liquor store.
Fuck you kids having a conversation while blocking the exit. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of my way.
Fuck taxes.
Fuck welfare.
Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized, party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with 700 bylaws that nobody reads.
Fuck the political parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.
Fuck you, bottle of water.
You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars.
Fuck you trendsetters.
Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits
Fuck your high heels in the snow.
Fuck your health kick, your diet, and your new fucking interest in kickboxing or sushi.
Fuck your culture.
Fuck your race.
Fuck your sense of entitlement.
Fuck your sense of uniqueness.
Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute.
Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage.
Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your facebook, fuck your forums.
And most of all, fuck whatever you believe.
It. Is. All. Fucking. Wrong.
Finally:
Fuck you IPhone for auto-correcting 'fucking' to 'ficking' at least 25 times during this rant
Fuck it.
I don't care what color you are.
I don't care where you're from.
I don't care what you do for a living.
I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke, what you drink, who you know, or whom you've fucked.
If you are an asshole, I'm going to tell you are.
And I fucking hate all of you.
Every. Last. Fucking. One. Of. You.
Fuck you Craigslist car buyers. I'm selling a car $2000 Below Kelly Blue Book value! Isn't it fair to assume it's not fucking going to look like it rolled off the fucking showroom floor?
Fuck you people who call at 11:30 PM offering me fucking less than 1/2 of my advertised price.
Fuck you dumb-fucks that text 20 questions already answered in my ad...
Read the ad.
Am I supposed to believe you learned to read in the 30 fucking seconds it took you to text me?
Fuck you guy that buys a lifted modified 25 year old unfinished 'project' Jeep for less than the lift cost and wants to hand the keys to his 17 year old daughter for her first car. Then expects me to give him his money back when his wife gets mad...Grow some balls; tell either your daughter and your wife 'no' for once.
Now for the rest of you assholes in the world:
Fuck you, semi-truck drivers, for running the yellow light so that I have to wait through my green just to have the dubious fucking pleasure of sniffing your tailpipe while I'm stuck behind your slow ass.
Fuck you, bicyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because you're peddling, you miserable spandex-covered neon-reflective fucks.
Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. Your fat ass doesn't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.
Fuck you chick on your cellphone that came out of nowhere to blew through the yield sign nearly wiping out my Jeep and my 4 year daughter...That red triangle means I have the right of way.
Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee.
Fuck you douche bag doing ten under the limit in the passing lane on the highway.
Fuck you, little punk ass prick, and fuck your loud ass stereo at the light in front of my house
And Fuck you for turning it up louder when I point to my girls and ask you (nicely) to turn it down because "fuck bitches, get money" isn't the message I want to send them...Didn't you see the hammer in my hand?
You're lucky I'm still on probation
Fuck you dirtbag counting out exact change at the counter at the liquor store.
Fuck you kids having a conversation while blocking the exit. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of my way.
Fuck taxes.
Fuck welfare.
Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized, party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with 700 bylaws that nobody reads.
Fuck the political parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.
Fuck you, bottle of water.
You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars.
Fuck you trendsetters.
Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits
Fuck your high heels in the snow.
Fuck your health kick, your diet, and your new fucking interest in kickboxing or sushi.
Fuck your culture.
Fuck your race.
Fuck your sense of entitlement.
Fuck your sense of uniqueness.
Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute.
Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage.
Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your facebook, fuck your forums.
And most of all, fuck whatever you believe.
It. Is. All. Fucking. Wrong.
Finally:
Fuck you IPhone for auto-correcting 'fucking' to 'ficking' at least 25 times during this rant
Fuck it.
Welcome to the fucking neighborhood.
I love you!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jenny K
I'm loving this blog! You belong on the comedy central or something! Im trying just make it the Today show, but you my friend need to be submitted to Comedy Central and I think I may have to help you!! So freaking funny yet so true!
ReplyDelete